Simple way on how to start a conversation with a girl, guy or your crush

Key points

Here are 3 key points on how to start a conversation with a girl:

• Just say hi and introduce yourself. Keep it simple

• Ask an open ended question. Get her talking about herself

• Compliment her. But keep it appropriate and sincere

Understanding the Basics of Small Talk

Small talk is basically just casual conversation about pretty insignificant things. It is chilled and creates ice-breaking atmosphere while meeting someone new. It’s nothing too heavy or serious, more just some light chit chat to get comfortable talking.

Definition and importance of small talk

Small talk is casual conversation about everyday things, like the weather, sports, or what you’ve been doing. It starts conversations and brings down the awkwardness. Gets you used to chatting together before talking about heavy stuff.

Overcoming the fear of initiating conversation

It can be nerve-wracking to start a chat but once you do it a few times, you’ll realize the worst thing that can happen is he/she says no, and you simply move on to another person. But if you are unsure of what to do, do not hesitate as it comes with practice like anything else in life. Check out the things around you for clues which will spark a topic like their phone case. It gets easy with practice. No reason to flip out!

The role of body language and non-verbal cues

Watch their body language. Do they appear welcoming or unwelcoming? Nods and smiles is a positive sign. Don’t forget eye contact! Try changing the subject or concluding if they seem distracted or fidgety. If they seem like they don’t want to talk to you, leave them alone.

Preparing for Conversation

Having different topics ready to go before having a conversation is one of the keys to having a good conversation. Do some homework first. Stay in the loop with news and pop culture so you got good things for say. Keep it easy going – no politics, death or religion conversations! Don’t get too personal either. We’re trying to connect not overshare. It can pay to prepare some safe questions to break the ice if needed. Don’t freak out, it’s all good, stay chill!

Researching topics of interest

Check out what’s popular now so you can talk about new movies, show, music and trends. You can also find nearby things to do in local event.

By staying updated on popular events, you get good conversation starters. Dig deeper for research. Hobby, sport, or even a passion, all of them matter. Whatever you do, don’t fake interests tho. Just learn enough to ask good questions.

Finding common ground

Find some common ground and to connect. You can ask stuff like where you both are from, places you both went to or things that you studied in school. Their friends and frienemies. It’s great to have common interests too, like favorite sports teams, TV shows, games, etc. When people find similarities, conversation flows. But don’t force it. It’s amazing what a little conversation can do!

Practicing active listening skills

Good listening makes a great conversation. Make eye contact (very important), lack of eye contact at least for a guy makes you seem less dominant and kinda beta. Ask follow-up questions. Repeat back some of the key things she says to show that you’re ‘with’ her. Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Try to understand her perspective. Show her you want to learn more about her. Active listening builds connection. You respect her thoughts and value the conversation.

Starting the Conversation

The secret to starting a conversation with a girl is to be casual and keep things simple. Don’t worry, just approach him/her saying, “Hey! I like your_____”. You can say a statement like “I like your shirt” or a question like “How’s it going” to show your interest without being weird.

Opening lines and icebreakers

After the “hey”, bring up something situational like school or work to start talking. If you know her name; use it. You can also say something like, “I guess the coffee shop is really packed today”. Always have 2-3 topics ready in case one doesn’t work.

Using situational context to your advantage

Simply look around to find something to comment on to start the convo. Chat about the surroundings, situation, or groups of people in your area. For example if you’re at concert talk about the band. You will get ready-made icebreakers, the whole point is (if you have noticed) is to build social comfort.

It’s very important, asking for a number without getting him/her interested is like trying to make a sale of an item as a door-to-door salesman/woman. Your success rate is going to be very low if you don’t build some sort of connection first.

Avoiding controversial or sensitive topics

When meeting a person, don’t talk I politics or religion to avoid arguments or conflict. The same applies to very intimate matter. Make some light conversation about every day life. Melody, games, stylistic culture, etc. It would be better to save your deep conversations for when you have known each other better.

Building Rapport

Making a connection with a girl helps you to build rapport with her. Look for things that you can easily bond with. Ask her anything about the things she likes. Remember to lend an ear. Make sure to listen really closely. The better you understand her, the easier it will be to tap into that magic.

Showing Genuine Interest

Don’t act like you care Make an effort to learn about her. Look in the person’s eyes when they are speaking and give them your undivided attention. Use follow-up questions to learn about her thoughts and feelings in depth. Little actions, such as recollecting something she said on an earlier occasion, suffice. She’ll notice when you’re genuinely interested.

Balancing Talking and Listening

A back and forth flow is good for conversation. Don’t forget to balance the speaking & listening. Don’t overindulge subject matters about yourself (very important). Talk to her and listen more. But also open up little by little so as not to an interview. Each person helps one another to equally understand the other.

Using Humor Appropriately

Funny jokes can help lighten the mood and create chemistry. But don’t go overboard with the jokes or sarcasm too early on. Catch her reaction on her face to see how she is taking the joke. Sharing a laugh can go a long way. Just maintain the respect and avoid anything rude or insensitive. A touch of playfulness can take us a long way.

Sustaining the Conversation

Just ask open-ended questions, if you want to keep getting replies from the girl. What are her hobbies and where does she love to go? What she study in school? Things that make her talk about herself. Nod your head and smile to show that you’re listening. Don’t attack her with question like it’s an interview. Tell her something about yourself as well to make it a nice flow.

Asking open-ended questions

Questions that require just a one-word response won’t take you too far. Try to ask questions that need more than just yes or no. Like “What did you think of that new movie?” and “Where do you like to go on weekends?” It shows your interest in her opinions.

Encouraging storytelling

When the conversation steers towards ‘Tell me more about that trip you took’ or ‘How did you get into that hobby?’, she opens up and shares stories and details. Most people like talking about themselves which keeps the conversation quite effortless.

React to whatever she says in the conversation to make her feel less awkward about the whole thing.

Handling pauses and silences

Awkward pauses happen. Chill. Pause for a moment and take a sip of your drink or glance about the room. She probably feels the pause too. To reengage, kick off with an easy question e.g. “Have you tried the food here?” or make some environmental observation. As long as you don’t freak out, you can start it up again. These pauses are normal and are not really a sign that she is not interested, just learn how to deal with them so that it becomes smooth and easy to rebound from when they occur.

Ending the Conversation Gracefully

When it is time to end a convo with a girl, you need to play it cool. Don’t just leave without saying bye. Ease into it natural-like. When she starts looking at her phone or watch, take a hint. Try saying something like “You seem busy these days”, or “I better let you go soon”. Give her chances to end it.

Recognizing social cues for ending

Look out for signs that she’s about to end the conversation. If someone is fidgeting, checking the time a lot or replying in short – it means that she is ready to end it. Make it clear and make it easily understood. Notice these hints and guide the conversation towards a goodbye.

Expressing gratitude and interest in future conversations

When you say bye, tell her you had fun talking. Say you’d love to do that again sometime. So you leave her this invite for another talk later, whenever she is ready. You can use the phrases like “We should so this again” or “I would love to keep talking.” Just be friendly and thankful for her time.

Exchanging contact information if appropriate

If you really connect, you can ask her for her phone number. Say something like, “Give me your number so we can stay in touch”. If you ask “Can I get your number”, this is considered an open-ended question which increases the probability of her saying no.

By saying “Give me your number”, she can still say no but the likelihood will be much lower because you are making a specific request and not asking a question. This is where most guys fail.

If she’s hesitant about that, ask for an Instagram, if she still doesn’t agree, then drop it.

Try again next time. You can always do this! Don’t get her digits unless the vibe is right. Don’t force it.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Raquel Smith

I am an award-winning author who has deep insights into the world of dating & relationships. I have won several awards including Andromeda Magazine – Fantasy Short Fiction Story award amongst several other awards and writing achievements.